Sources have confirmed the Rays will announce that Wilson Alvarez has signed a minor league contract.  The left-handed former Opening Day Starter, who threw the first pitch in Devil Rays history, will join Rays camp in Port Charlotte tomorrow and is expected to join the competition for a spot in the Rays’ starting rotation. (Said Matt Moore, who was 9-years old the last time Alvarez signed with the club, “Wilson who?”).

Alvarez, who hasn’t pitched professionally since his retirement 2005, was in Charlotte County for a celebrity pie eating contest when he ran into Andrew Friedman at a local Denny’s.  After Friedman observed the irony of Alvarez paying for a Grand Slam after so many teams paid him to give up grand slams , the two started talking baseball.  Later that morning, Friedman offered Alvarez the minor league contract in an effort to comply with the AL East’s new Division policy requiring teams to sign ridiculously old left-handed pitchers that have no business being back in the Major Leagues.

“I mean, everyone is doing it” said Friedman.  “I’ve been a nerdy kid my whole life.  For once I just want to do whatever the cool kids are doing, even if it makes no sense.  Besides, if the AL East race is going to be interesting at all this year, we are going to have to give ourselve a handicap by adding a pitcher of Wilson’s caliber.  It is only fair to the other teams.”