A random thought popped into my head yesterday when Jeremy Hellickson was named BBWA’s Rookie of the Year.  Why does baseball drag this out through poorly attended press conferences?  Why don’t they rent out the Kodak Theater and have an Oscar-style awards show?  For now, we’ll name the award after Commissioner Bud Selig.

(You know InBev would sponsor the awards if we called them “The Buds” AND you know it would be hilariously ironic if anyone on the Red Sox won a “Bud.”)

This approach would have a ton of great benefits.

First, it would keep us from having to wait two weeks to find out who won each award.  Maybe I just have ADD but, this process is excruciating.

Second, we’d get awesome acceptance speeches.  Take Hellickson for example.  We all know what his face would look like during the split screen, nominee list, right?  There’d be five smiling nominees mouthing “hi mom” then Helly:

Then he’d go to the stage, shake the presenter’s hand, lean into the microphone and say “Thanks” before walking back to his seat.  I don’t even see him stopping in front of the mic or going backstage to waiting media. Just a quick thanks to the guy that bothered to tote the award to the stage and back to his seat.  Maybe, just maybe, he’d cover his face with his glove and shout profanities like he did during his last start in September.  In fact, at our fake awards show, let’s make sure he has a glove available just for that purpose.

Baseball has deprived us of great entertainment here.  Would I watch this fake awards show?  No.  Definitely not.  Awards shows are long and boring.  But, I am sorry that I can’t jump on YouTube this morning and see Hellickson’s acceptance speech.  I mean, why should the 10 people in his hometown that happened to be within earshot when his agent called have all the fun?